September 17, 2008

September 17, 2008

Dear friend,
Sometimes I dream that I am being chased. I am running down every hallway and looking in every door for a getaway. In these dreams, when my dreaming self is at the end of the rope, I have this realization that I can’t escape from myself. My efforts then vanish into a hollowness and I wake up. I don’t know why I am constantly running from something I can’t be rid of. It’s like trying to lose my shadow. I wish there was a more profound way to describe this. I am writing to you because I need a sense of self-expression, some kind of escape where I can be completely free in my thoughts. I just need to know that someone, somewhere knows exactly how I feel, without really knowing who is feeling it. I can’t continue to wallow in this helplessness.
So lately, I have been trying to come to a conclusion about the source of these dreams. I wouldn’t think that I would be running from my conscience because I live my life on point as far as the ethic and moral parts. It then has been concluded that I haven’t been putting enough into life. Maybe the dreaming self is a self running for a change…running from what the current self is, trying to find the new self. Where should I look? I think you of all people would understand this because as I have known you, I have watched you bloom into this new identity. You have grown so much from the naïve little you, to this great, wonderful, ideal personality.
So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am proud of you, and I hope so much to be able to be proud of myself. The reason I wrote this letter is because I am lost in this great puzzle that is life, I need desperately to be able to put the pieces together.
“When we are dreaming alone, it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.” -Dom Helder Camara

Kalina