September 17, 2008
Dear friend,
Sometimes I dream that I am being chased. I am running down every hallway and looking in every door for a getaway. In these dreams, when my dreaming self is at the end of the rope, I have this realization that I can’t escape from myself. My efforts then vanish into a hollowness and I wake up. I don’t know why I am constantly running from something I can’t be rid of. It’s like trying to lose my shadow. I wish there was a more profound way to describe this. I am writing to you because I need a sense of self-expression, some kind of escape where I can be completely free in my thoughts. I just need to know that someone, somewhere knows exactly how I feel, without really knowing who is feeling it. I can’t continue to wallow in this helplessness.
So lately, I have been trying to come to a conclusion about the source of these dreams. I wouldn’t think that I would be running from my conscience because I live my life on point as far as the ethic and moral parts. It then has been concluded that I haven’t been putting enough into life. Maybe the dreaming self is a self running for a change…running from what the current self is, trying to find the new self. Where should I look? I think you of all people would understand this because as I have known you, I have watched you bloom into this new identity. You have grown so much from the naïve little you, to this great, wonderful, ideal personality.
So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am proud of you, and I hope so much to be able to be proud of myself. The reason I wrote this letter is because I am lost in this great puzzle that is life, I need desperately to be able to put the pieces together.
“When we are dreaming alone, it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.” -Dom Helder Camara
Kalina
1 comment:
i like how you describe life as a puzzle, and it's great that you are trying to put all the pieces together. but you know we can never have all our questions answered, we can never have everything figured out and going smoothly. life is a constant learning process. not too long ago i was at that place where i felt i needed to have myself and my life all figured, going just the way i wanted it, but then i realized it isn't possible.life would not be what it is if we would be capable of possessing all the knoweledge that we want. so right now i am confused as well, but i just try to enjoy little moment like the sunrays illuminating the sky, the smile on my friend's face and just learn my lessons along the way.
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