November 15th, 2008

Dear Friend,
Life is full of hardship, struggle, and pain. It is what makes us appreciate the good things-- I suppose. But at times I find it so hard to look to the end of that tunnel and see the optimistic light at the end. So in the good times, the times full of color, laughter and happiness I become this sponge and absorb every sense about those moments that I can. The next time my life is swallowed in an infinite darkness I remember these memories and I don’t feel so hopeless.
The first of such a memory was from a really small time, when I was knee high and wobbling. My brother and I were playing with race cars, both sitting in this huge arm chair and life just felt complete in those moments of shared giggles as we zoomed and zoomed our cars around the race track that was arms and legs.
I remember this a lot when I wander alone in the darkness. That time moment was shared with an individual I know loves me and it makes me feel as if I have a partner in my lonely wanderings through the depths of depression and sadness.
As it happens with many siblings my brother and I began to grow apart as we aged into the years of being teenagers. Bickering became the substituted past time to playing. Things were the most distant as he left for college and I was living at home going to high school. Life became less full of laughter and happy times. Then, halfway into my freshman year, my best friend’s father died of a heart attack and I reached the farthest into any hurt I ever felt.
I fell into a pit of all things painful in this world. I started making myself feel better by attacking those around me. It became almost an addiction and I was pushing those closest to me away. Looking back now, my sub-conscious was probably doing this because it felt as long as I was close to people I had that potential to be this hurt over and over again. So instead I made myself numb. I was quickly losing track of the person I had grown to be. Those who hadn’t given up on me were scared that I would lose everything.
Forgetting any recent fight we have had, or any mean thing I have said my brother came home to stand by his sister in her time of need. It took all of seconds to fall into old habits of wiping away my tears and tucking me into bed. I became scared to remember the attachment we used to have because I didn’t think I could handle losing anyone else…ever. Despite my struggle to push him away he stayed by my side. He kept fighting for me, and the person I would grow to be. I slowly climbed out of the pit into a self-realization of life. Ever since that time in my life I have had this newly connected bond with my brother that nothing will stand in the way of.

Kalina

November 3rd, 2008

Dear Friend,
Recently my relationship with someone has changed. Not to say that relationships with others aren’t constantly changing, but this time it changed into something permanent, something stronger. Joshua and I had always been really close friends, but over the last month or so it has just been this renewed kind of friendship. A kind of friendship where you laugh at all the same things and cry at all the same things. A kind of friendship where we both crave the same food at the same time. A kind of friendship where he just knows that I need him to be around even if I don’t say it. So I have looked back on our past years together and how our friendship has grown and decided to make him a mix cd for his favorite holiday, Halloween. The songs are as follows

Died in Your Arms Tonight (Remix)- Smitty ft. T-pain
I’m Cool- Anthony Hamilton
I’m Yours- Jason Mraz
Home- Michael Bublé
I Dare You to Move- Switchfoot
Just the Way You Are- Billy Joel
I’ll Run- The Cab
Let the Drummer Kick- Citizen Cope
Bubbly- Colbie Caillat
There’s Hope- India Arie
Breakdown- Jack Johnson
Jammin’- Bob Marley
Wordplay- Jason Mraz
Christopher Robin- Kenny Loggins
Hope- Twista and Faith Evans
Wonderwall – Oasis
Died in Your Arms Tonight- Smitty ft. T-pain

The first and the last song are the same because it is the very first song we ever listened to with each other. Every time that we have an awesome time that song has somehow always been incorporated and when I think of music and Joshua that is the first thing that comes to mind. I hope the same can ring true for him. I hope this is a CD he can listen to and think of me. A CD he can laugh to, can cry to, can reminisce to. Mostly I hope it brings him as much emotion as it has brought to me while I remembered all the different memories with all the different songs. I have decided to call it “Swimming in Remembrance”

My mom cries at the end of nearly every movie.
My sister always had the tissues ready for my mom at the end of the movie.
My dad can show you the full extent of his anger with one look.
My brother gives the best hugs.
My Grandma always has on the brightest pink lipstick.